Back in 1992, a book was published called The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. At the time it came out, the Five Love Language theory was all the rage as people raced to figure out how best to communicate love to one another in a way that would be most readily received through either words of affirmation, service, quality time, gift giving, or physical touch. Any pre-married couple worth its weight poured over this book hoping to label one another so they could be the perfect spouse, to various degrees of success. At the time, I was pretty convinced that my love language was gifts. However, after almost 30 years of narrowing it down, I actually think my love language is Orange Tic Tacs. Allow me to explain.

I have an deep affinity for Orange Tic Tacs.

I can’t get enough of the little buggers.

I honestly can’t remember when my fondness for these little delicious orange bursts of flavor began, but I remember as a young child receiving a case of Orange Tic Tacs for my birthday one year from my grandma, and feeling so loved and valued by her that my mom and dad could have set the new Huffy Bike they got me on fire and I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye. Thinking back on it, she probably had to go through great lengths to acquire an entire case of twelve at the time, since there was no Amazon.com (yes they are available online. I checked.)

My very first car was a 1973 Super Beetle, which just so happened to LOOK like an Orange Tic Tac. It’s a slight understatement to say that I was obsessed with this car. I saved up to have a really nice stereo put in it, which was promptly stolen and then attempted to be sold back to me at school one day. The heat for the car was supposed to come from the engine, which I never really quite understood, except for the fact that it got really hot and the electrical tape that I used to close off the vents would often melt and get on my shoe. Needless to say, It was my prized possession for several years, and also elicited my first and only “stalker” which turned out to be some guy that followed me all over town until he finally cornered me and asked me to be in his Super Beetle Club (uh, where do I sign?). The inside had white canvas on the ceiling and I remember reading that cleaning it with toothpaste and a toothbrush would get it as white as the day it came from the factory. I vividly remember this because one hot summer day I was in our driveway vigorously scrubbing the ceiling when I was called into the house to take a call from my first real life girlfriend saying that she needed to break it off because our relationship was bad for her reputation. Who knew?

I digress

Also, I actually can’t stand all other original Tic Tac Flavors and I’m not actually sure why they exist. If you want a mint, get an Altoid or something that actually refreshes your breath. Tic Tacs are NOT mints. They are candy, plain and simple. and the only flavor worth anything is orange.

For a brief shining moment in time, there were also Banana flavored Tic Tacs, which were specially made for the Minions movie in 2015. I did get my hands on a couple of boxes, but by the time I did, they were terribly stale. And yes there is a difference between a stale and fresh Tic Tac. You cannot comfortably chew a stale Tic Tac. So it’s difficult to tell how good they would have been in 2015, but in 2018, not great. So given the fact that I only had stale ones and as far as I can tell, they are no longer manufactured, Banana Tic Tacs don’t technically count. I will say that generally in most food items, artificial banana flavoring is the absolute best (I see you Banana Laffy Taffy and Banana Sno Cones), when ironically, actual bananas leave something to be desired. If you could somehow engineer a banana that tastes like artificial banana flavor, I think you might actually be onto something.

Again, I digress.

Most trips to the store almost always include one box of Orange Tic Tacs, which are usually at the checkout. I quickly find myself judging the quality of any retail grocery outlet by whether or not Orange Tic Tacs are indeed available. I always feel a small sense of victory and a great deal of satisfaction as I surveil my items, and included among the spoils are my favorite orange treat. At some point I remember that Target actually stopped carrying them. I quickly asked to talk to the the manager about if it was an oversight or if they actually thought that they could continue on without Orange Tic Tacs. I mean, come on. As I laid out all of the obvious financial benefits and business upside to continue carrying them, I can only imagine that the manager was slightly annoyed and maybe equally impressed by my conviction and tenacity. A recent scan of a local Target confirms that they currently do carry Orange Tic Tacs. You’re welcome, everyone.

For some reason, a box of Orange Tic Tacs makes me smile. I’ve even tried to make a case in my brain for it being a combination of all the love languages rolled into one.

• Gifts: This one is pretty obvious
• Words of affirmation: “Hey, would you like a Tic Tac?” (note that most people do not turn down a free Tic Tac)
• Quality Time: Time spent enjoying Tic Tacs together.
• Acts of Service: Giving someone a unsolicited Tic Tac feels like you are performing some sort of good deed, because you are making them happy. It even looks like medicine.
• Physical Touch: Even holding a Tic Tac is fun, unless you drop it. That’s a zero to sixty from happy to sad, especially if it is your last one and you drop it between your seat and the middle console of your car, and somehow it gets lodged UNDERNEATH the carpet and the car and no matter what you do, you can’t reach it, and it’s there for years and is probably still there even though you sold the car several years ago…

This small orange candy, mint or whatever you might want to call it means something to me. I’m sure that there was probably a particular moment in time when it began, or it’s possibly just the memories of family and youthful days gone by that have added up over the years and created this connection. What I do know is a day that includes Orange Tic Tacs is just a little bit better than one that doesn’t.

“Hey, would you like a Tic Tac?”